Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
