Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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