God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
