Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
