I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
