dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
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I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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