I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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