I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
