Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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