you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
