god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize