i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching