Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.