Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
babies were throwing up all over the place
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.