Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

dollar beers will do that to you.

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(630): I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning. (1-630): dollar beers will do that to you. http://tfl.nu/e57v

Replies (26) Good night (2737) Bad night (692)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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(603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv

Replies (20) Good night (1103) Bad night (5838)
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(917): View more from New York City

Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

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(917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r

Replies (144) Good night (17976) Bad night (3132)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.

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(907): I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night. http://tfl.nu/j04h

Replies (19) Good night (7230) Bad night (709)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.

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(908): i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend. http://tfl.nu/myz5

Replies (7) Good night (3468) Bad night (827)
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(310): View more from California

Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.

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(310): Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame. http://tfl.nu/5mgk

Replies (6) Good night (1676) Bad night (1151)
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(207): View more from Maine

You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!

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(207): You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?! http://tfl.nu/i02d

Replies (15) Good night (1904) Bad night (570)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?

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(+44): He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day? http://tfl.nu/3a44

Replies (14) Good night (3580) Bad night (682)
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(916): View more from California

I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.

(1-916): View more from California

Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.

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(916): I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat. (1-916): Can we laminate it? Just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/1wiq

Replies (4) Good night (2700) Bad night (636)
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(289): View more from Ontario

God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.

(519): View more from Ontario

Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

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(289): God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore. (519): Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor. http://tfl.nu/xdad

Replies (8) Good night (1381) Bad night (513)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.

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(775): Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity. http://tfl.nu/mwyr

Replies (6) Good night (616) Bad night (345)
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(425): View more from Washington

Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser

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(425): Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser http://tfl.nu/spc1

Replies (7) Good night (1112) Bad night (599)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.

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(601): If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass. http://tfl.nu/tjid

Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (519)
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(805): View more from California

On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....

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(805): On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting..... http://tfl.nu/nfww

Replies (2) Good night (885) Bad night (291)
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(917): View more from New York City

Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.

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(917): Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember. http://tfl.nu/emqc

Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (226)

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