dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall