my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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