Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
