he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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