Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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