I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I checked into jail on foursquare
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
