Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
