now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Small penises have feelings too.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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