he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
