her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
