I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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