mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
