I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
