y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
