the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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