I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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