So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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