wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
