You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
