just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
this is an emotional support booty call
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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