it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
