Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
