oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
