I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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