doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
