this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
