Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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