This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
