watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.