So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.