3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.