Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.