This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty