I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...