I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I looked at my own cervix.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend