literally had 100 drinks last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO