i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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