just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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