There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
