Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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