Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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