so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
