Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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