She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
