I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
