Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
