soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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