your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
