I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
