I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
