Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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