We're facebook friends in real life
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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