On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
