Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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