I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
