i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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