Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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