apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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