is your mom at the bar?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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