i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
