Please, let me fuck your mom
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
