I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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