There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
