my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
