awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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