What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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