Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
