Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
