I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
