he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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