I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Randomize
