I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
