so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
