I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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